30 November 1999

Well, I guess I have to agree with my wife. As much as it pains me to say it, writing this blog is actually helping me to feel more relaxed. All this week I have had something which has been bursting to get out and finally I get the chance to get it off my mind and onto yours.

Expenses. That's all I need to say to get you lot hot under the collar.

It has been in the news again this week. Should MP's get off their high horses, admit they were wrong and pay us back? It is our money after all! It really got me thinking. If I have to account for every little bit of money which I spend in the course of running my business, then why should they be able to pass off a floating pond ornament as a business expense?

I don't know if any of you out there have been audited? Well, believe me, nothing is going to put the unmentionables up you quicker than that. When that letter arrives from the tax office, telling you that you are one of the lucky few, it sends shivers up your spine – and not in a good way.

A fine toothed comb is the phrase which springs to mind. You find yourself justifying the steel capped boots and assuring them that you really didn't wear them to your cousins wedding – they really are for work only. In my case, I had a good accountant who kept everything straight for me, and believe me I paid enough for the privilege. So I got through it OK.

So I can understand that these MP's really are feeling sick to the stomach about what might be found – but saying that they were only doing what they were allowed to just doesn't cut it with me. It isn't about the letter of the law in this case, it is about the spirit of it. They should be above reproach and have higher morals than the rest of us, because they are working on our behalf. If I know what is right to claim for, then don't tell me that they don't!

So, now I have expressed myself over that one, I have a little secret to let you into. This is really embarrassing, but I am one of these new age blokes so here goes....I am a bit fat. It has crept up on me in the last year or two and although I work hard every day – the pies and fried breakfasts are finally taking their toll. Claire (the wife) is one of these who works hard at her figure – and don't I appreciate it (wink!). So I feel I should pay back the compliment really.

It all came to a head when she pointedly left out a weight watchers leaflet for me to see. So after much discussion and gnashing of teeth on my behalf I agreed to go along. So next Monday is my first meeting. The weekend is going to be my last chance to eat what I want, so I will be making the most of it. Claire tells me that this is not really the point, that change is long term, so the sooner I start the better. I said Tuesday morning will be soon enough.

Chances are I will be the only bloke, but that does have it's advantages... catch you next time, when I will be swooning from hunger and desperate for a bacon sarnie!