Up Go the Insurance Premiums

30 November 1999

Well every now and then life turns round and bites you on the bum and I have to say I have been well and truly chewed up and spat out this week. They say these things come in 3's and in my case it seems to be 4's.

I started my week feeling good. I was back on track with my diet and managed a pound and a half at my weigh in. Couldn't ask for better than that really. Who knows if it was my excitement at getting closer to my goal or just stupidity (probably the latter!) but I completely misjudged the length of my van and wallop – straight into a parked car. And who did it turn out to be? The woman who wants her decking done.... The van came off lightly compared to her Mercedes – yes, the most expensive car in the car park and little old me had to hit it. She was OK about it and says she still wants the decking done, but I felt like a right idiot! Up go the insurance premiums....

Next morning I get to my job only to be told, on the doorstep, that she has “run out of funds” and can't pay me for the work already done and it isn't worth me continuing the job at the moment. Apparently, she was relying on a loan coming through in time to pay me. Looks like the bank turned her down. Why she didn't have that in place before I ripped out her kitchen, moved her boiler and started sorting her electrics, I will never know. She has the new kitchen sitting there in her garage and is going to try and do it herself. I have to send her an invoice for the work done to date and hope she can pay it eventually.

So a quiet week ahead of me, or so I thought. Then comes disaster number three. I tried to be helpful and do some housework while I am at home and put some washing on. One flooded kitchen, hallway and dining room later and I realise that I am not cut out for housework. Another call to the insurance company.

Finally I decide that some DIY around the house might be a good idea. I am good at that – or so I thought. Pity I didn't take the same precautions that I would in someone else's home and put on my safety gear. I spent 6 hours at A&E with a splinter in my eye... So I am sat here now with a patch over one eye looking like Long John Silver and feeling like I am finally beaten. Time to give up and start fresh for next week, I think.

And to top it all off I have to think about the wife's family coming to stay. I have already decided that I have a very important job to do during that week, which can only be completed between Christmas and New Year. I have also ordered lots of beer and wine. If I can keep them drinking the whole time then I know from experience that they both just drift off to sleep once they have had a few. I can put up with the snoring, so long as I don't have to make conversation. I love Claire to bits – but her Mum and Dad do my head in.

So that was my week from hell....next week the Christmas shopping starts. My life just gets better and better....